The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
