You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
