checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize