sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Bring me that man meat
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
