i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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