I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
