the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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