Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
