It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
