God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
