I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
