If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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