What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
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I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
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I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My ass is underappreciated
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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