i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Someone shit on the floor
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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