We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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