I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
