Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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