I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
