I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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