I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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