Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
