I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
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She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
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You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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