just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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