: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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