I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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