I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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