I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
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thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
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FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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