When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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