I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize