I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
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Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
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I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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