she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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