she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
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They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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