I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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