Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
