You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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