He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
