Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Randomize
