She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
