Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
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i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
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I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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