Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just googled if crying burns calories
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
