so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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