I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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