My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
