ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Will you blow on my dice?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
