2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
