this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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