I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
