its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
