Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
