And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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