I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
