just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
