Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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