here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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