cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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