My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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