if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
