maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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