morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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