do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
