don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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