you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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