i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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