i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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