I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
