Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
